Baby Consumption

With the advent of trendy baby rearing, each consumer decision we make could potentially be the one that makes us the dreaded uncool parents. The prospect of having to use purchases for many years and for multiple children only compounds the importance of each decision. Furthermore, for the father, any lack of opinion or display of indecisiveness is immediately translated as indifference towards the baby's future and well being (which is not good).

The entire experience (though it's just begun) has been a little shocking. Then it occurred to me: this is a lot like getting married! There's almost a year of anticipation, your relationship with your wife undergoes constant role-changes as it is redefined, you take a bit of a backseat in most baby-related decisions, your wife spends more time on the phone with her mother (bless her heart), and (the most disturbing part) your life is fraught with consumer choices. What crib bedding color combination best expresses our taste as a couple? Which alphabet card set is cutest? Do we want a bassinet or a sidecrib?

I'm still struggling with the basics: What's a bassinet? You need a special car seat for infants? We need how many different types of strollers? Why do we need a travel crib? How old does she have to be before she can play with Legos? Someone just said "breastpump"... quick, run to the next room, cover your ears and hum.

For future fathers out there, I make one suggestion: the tactics you used to negotiate the build-up to your wedding will translate well to the first pregnancy. You need to employ such phrases as "well, which one do you like best?" followed by "yeah... me, too" and "I think that this will go well with that" rather than "I don't care, you decide". In fact don't ever say that. The worst possible design suggestion is always better than not caring. In fact bad suggestions introduce the possibility of being excluded from future decorating decisions and maybe even future shopping trips. Also, take the amount of money you think this will cost you and double it (triple it if you're really clueless). Once you can accept that, things will go much smoother.

Think back to your wedding - you're along for the ride on this one. Just make the least amount of waves possible. No matter how tired you are of shopping, keep your mouth shut because your wife always carries the trump card - she's the one giving birth.